Send mail | Search site | Mary Celeste index
|
19 Remote Control |
From Mary Celeste |
[Charlotte-Anne's invocation ends; Band plays Gothic chords as beloved of Procol Harum; a ghostly vapour rises around Mary Celeste; six strokes from her sepulchral bell as two Crew appear on look-out duty. The Crew are always phantoms, but now, summoned by a medium, they seem even more ghostly, silhouetted by a spectral back-light]
Look-out
On the midnight watch
just a nip of scotch
too dark on deck to see your fist
Helmsman
As I goes to pee
in the freezing sea
this blinding beacon splits the mist
[Girls of the Chorus, as Mermaids, sing a high, wordless chant as they carry torches through the Audience or emerge mysteriously from under the front of the stage]
Look-out
Wild waters surge
strange lights emerge
it's such a terrifying trick
Helmsman
ten thousand hands there
waving firebrands there
and so I buttons up real quick
Mermaids
La, la la la la la la la la la la-la-la
La, la la la la la la la la laah!
La, la la la la la la la la la la-la-la
La, la la la la la la la la laah!
Charlotte
We hear you, spirits! We hear you!
[Silhouetted Crew emerge and listen disbelievingly to Mermaids. Behind them rises an Atlantean cityscape]
Cook & Cabin-boy
Stone roofs appear
then a belvedere
and then a stately pleasure-dome
As we rub our eyes
pyramids arise
a city bursting through the foam
[Crew's silhouettes lurch as Mary Celeste runs aground]
Mates 1& 2
Comes a grinding sound
and we run aground
we're in an ancient city square
and the spirit horde
starts to come on board
with living flowers in their hair
Mermaids
La, la la, oooh (& so on)
[Portentous music from Band and Mermaids while mysterious Atlanteans appear on deck: phantom Crew fall on their knees in terror; a rippling Celeste plays something reminiscent of the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy for the entrance of the Guardian Angel who looks, in silhouette, exactly like Queen Victoria. Still no front lighting]
[Band suddenly stop the gothic build-up and change to a happy, light, laid-back tune. Simultaneously Guardian Angel illuminates like a Christmas tree, and shortly lights come up to reveal Atlanteans in hippie regalia of beads, shades, tie-dyed flares, sandals, and so on]
Atlanteans
Well hello there Gentlemen and Ladies
no, we haven't sprung from Hades
but here's your guardian angel come to welcome you
you've been guided to Atlantis
there's no need to wet your panties
'cos all the earthly troubles of your life are through
She knows that you're all at sea
drowning in your misery
you're on a ship called 'hardship' and you're failing fast
clutch a different straw, babe
we got treats in store, babe
sailing with the spirits: shipping built to last
[Mermaids join in the refrain]
And the ships are ...
wor-ship, (the ship of understanding)
kin-ship, (the ship of happy landing)
fellow-ship to take you to your goal
'cos nothing really matters but the voyage of your soul
sailing under her remote control
[Swaying and 'grooving' authentically, Guardian Angel and her helpers display crystals, Tarot, and other items of occultist's paraphernalia]
Guardian Angel
And you need to study all your star-signs, baby,
read between the leylines
to realise your future has been pre-arranged
you can cast your fate and tarot
or just trust the straight and narrow
but man lives out a destiny that can't be changed
Atlanteans
She used to send omens of peace
to the Romans and the men of Greece
and when they asked the Prophets she told them, 'wait and see';
Isis and Osiris
handled all enquiries:
'If you got a problem you got to let it be'
[Mermaids join in the refrain]
But put your trust in ...
Lord-ship, (the ship of love and laughter)
member-ship, (you're happy ever after)
relation-ship to take you to your goal
Crew only
'cos nothing really matters but the voyage of my soul
yielding up to your remote control
[By now whole Crew is at rail taking a careless leave of the séance personnel: rippling interlude of Tchaikovskian Celeste music as Atlanteans crown Crew with flowers; Crew's voices have a brain-washed, zombie feel to them]
Crew
So we all abandoned little Mary
and we joined the Sugar Plum Fairy
and gave our poor old intellects a holiday
now we're off to sing new shanties
that glorify Atlantis
the things we used to treasure, they can drift away
Look-out
So it's humanity, goodbye:
your vanity is all a lie.
Once we used to love you, now we bid adieu
Got to yield the helm now
to the spirit realm now
supernatural guidance, that'll see you through
[Mermaids and Atlanteans start the lengthy refrain, (not unlike the end of All You Need Is Love or Hey Jude); Atlanteans disappear into the wings; Mermaids start retreading their way in; as the Atlantean backdrop fades the stupid refrain is taken up by the Tourists]
All
All you need is ...
court-ship (sing glory alleluia)
space-ship (and isn't life peculiar?)
town-ship (on Popocatapetl)
hip-hip (for Alexander Beetle)
gym-slip (an underwater love-in?)
wood-chip (your supper's in the oven)
par-snip (and caterpillar custard)
bad trip (and everyone got busted)
rose-hip (like all the great religions)
horse-whip (a cat among the pigeons)
hair-grip (and hydrogen peroxide)
sheep-dip (I'm sorry that your ox died)
[As the Mermaids swarm past them, the Tourists take up the chant in a call-and-response fashion: as it gets sillier and sillier, Matilda, Priscilla and Agnes can't any longer pretend that the whole séance has been anything but a sham. Spectral back-light fades as they all leave in disgusted distress: only Journalist remains at table with the laughing Charlotte-Anne: he is writing]